Dandelion greens

Spring is officially here. I guess I have to start actually eating weeds. Ugh.

OK. The obvious one here is the dandelion. They're all over the back yard as usual. All the literature I've ever read says that you have to eat them in early spring, before they have flowered, or else they'll be bitter.

All right. I've got some here that haven't flowered yet.

And some that have.

So I'll pick some that haven't flowered.

And wash them off.

And taste them.

Horrible, vile, bitter. If every Johnny Edibleplants in the world hadn't already said that these were edible, I'd swear they were poisonous. On closer inspection, I see that most of them have little embryonic flower buds near the base. Maybe this is why they're bitter. Maybe this plant can only be enjoyed in Albuquerque in February (which would be kind of cool in a way but it's also irritating to me because it doesn't do me any good now). Or maybe they're always bitter here.

Let's see what others are saying about dandelions...

Here's a likely suspect: A nice lady becomes rhapsodic over gathering and consuming dandelion greens:

The greens have a slightly bitter note, they are elegant in a salad and they make a tasty potherb. I also put them in stir fries and soup.

Well no shit they're bitter. I can imagine them in a soup.

Dandelions support digestion, reduce swelling and inflammation, and treat viruses, jaundice, edema, gout, eczema and acne. This sunflower relative boasts potent medicinal properties with laxative and diuretic properties (its French name, pissenlit, wet the bed, aptly names its effectiveness).

Have I mentioned yet that this kind of stuff sort of pissenlits me off? Nearly every book I've read about wild plants has long passages like this that tell you that the herb in question is a cure-all for every single disease known to man. Acne? Really? So I should just rub my face in a pile of dandelions when I get a pimple? Or should I mash them up and make a poultice? Come on, if it cures acne, then let's see the science, some examples, something. It's also reassuring to know that dandelion can be used to treat "viruses." What the hell is edema, anyway? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

But that's enough picking on the nice dandelion lady. I feel bad now. At the end of her article she includes a helpful chart that demonstrates dandelion's nutritional superiority over that cheap pretender broccoli. Dude, when I'm done eating my dandelions tonight, my vitamin K levels are going to go through the fucking roof!

That's right. I haven't given up yet. I'm going to eat these horrible things at dinner tonight and tell you all about it. It's a good night for something risky like this because Cristy is gone at a conference, so I don't have to watch her make all the three-year-old scrunched up faces she makes when she eats something she doesn't like. On the other hand, if I overdose on vitamin K, there will be no one around to call the the paramedics.