Why didn't you go to the farmers market today?

August 6, 2016 - 7:30am | Melvix
Why didn't you go to the farmers market today?

You stayed away from the farmers market this morning. Why?

Banned for life over zucchini incident
40% (2 votes)
Won't give in to farmers market peer pressure
40% (2 votes)
Got in fight with egg man, lost
20% (1 vote)
Busy placing ghost-enhancing devices around the city for reasons that are not really explored or explained
0% (0 votes)
Sharon
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 5

Congratulations! Your work is being noticed and appreciated! How did you do it?

August 1, 2016 - 8:39am | Melvix
Congratulations! Your work is finally being noticed and appreciated! How did you do it?

Your work is finally being recognized for its wit, artistry and sensitivity. What was the key to your success?

I explain it all in my TED talk
33% (1 vote)
Magical amulet
33% (1 vote)
Added wit, artistry and sensitivity to work
33% (1 vote)
Distinctive hats
0% (0 votes)
Talent, discipline, rich parents
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 3

Which character from hit 2016 film Jason Bourne are you?

July 29, 2016 - 11:20am | Melvix
Which character from hit 2016 film Jason Bourne are you?

Which character from director Paul Greengrass's 2016 espionage action film best matches your unique personality?

High Roller
40% (2 votes)
Bus Passenger
20% (1 vote)
Office Worker
20% (1 vote)
Cyber Technician
20% (1 vote)
Government Lawyer
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 5

What will you do now that the 2016 political conventions are over?

July 29, 2016 - 9:09am | Melvix
What will you do now that the 2016 conventions are over?

The thrilling political conventions of 2016 have ended, leaving you feeling empty and adrift. What will you do with your life now?

Listen to Phil Collins's hit 1985 album, No Jacket Required
50% (1 vote)
Finally tell neighbor how much you admire his topiary skills
50% (1 vote)
Open a Benihana franchise
0% (0 votes)
Eat a huge bowl of chili
0% (0 votes)
Sit back, relax, enjoy a few months of politics-free Internet
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 2

How will you try to impress people in the interview?

July 28, 2016 - 3:09pm | Melvix
How will you try to impress people in the interview?

You have an interview for a job today. What will you do to impress your potential employers?

Pretend you know how to do things
40% (2 votes)
Talk a lot about fresh fruit
20% (1 vote)
Tell them about the time you saw Dick Knipfing at the Costco
20% (1 vote)
Casually apply lip balm
20% (1 vote)
Innocently forget to mention the stretch you did upstate
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 5

How will you bumble the first 1000 uses of your "chip technology" credit card?

July 27, 2016 - 7:07pm | Melvix
How will you bumble your first 50 uses of your new "chip technology" credit card?

Cashiers are crossing their arms and waiting for you to pay with your chip card. How will you bumble each interaction?

I swiped, but it's telling me to insert the card
33% (4 votes)
I have to insert it?
17% (2 votes)
I think I took it out too soon
17% (2 votes)
It keeps telling me to leave it in
8% (1 vote)
I have no idea how this works
8% (1 vote)
Can I take it out now?
8% (1 vote)
Did it work?
8% (1 vote)
Where do I put it?
0% (0 votes)
I don't need to sign?
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 12

What will you do when you see this terrifying creature?

July 27, 2016 - 5:39pm | Melvix
What will you do when you see this terrifying creature?

You are swimming in the freezing waters of Antarctica when you come face-to-face with this terrifying creature. What will you do?

Yell for wife to look at who I'm talking to
50% (2 votes)
Offer it a bit of sandwich
25% (1 vote)
Wipe goggles for the millionth time except they're fogged from the goddamn inside goddammit
25% (1 vote)
Update Instagram feed with photo of terrifying creature
0% (0 votes)
Swim away as quickly as possible
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 4

What did you think would happen when you clicked on that?

July 27, 2016 - 3:27pm | Melvix
What did you think would happen when you clicked on that?

You clicked on a thing, now you're sad. What did you think would happen?

See some goddamn bloopers for chrissake
80% (4 votes)
Find out why doctors hate that guy so much
20% (1 vote)
Lose belly fat
0% (0 votes)
Learn one weird trick
0% (0 votes)
Regain dignity
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 5

How will you explain Debbie Wasserman Schultz to your children?

July 25, 2016 - 3:53pm | Melvix
How will you explain Debbie Wasserman Schultz to your children?

Your children are asking questions about Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz. What will you tell them?

Florida
56% (5 votes)
Is Odd Squad on?
22% (2 votes)
Just let Mommy drink, OK Honey?
11% (1 vote)
I'll explain it to you when you're 40
11% (1 vote)
Ask your mother
0% (0 votes)
Total votes: 9