Rio Rancho Set To Lead The Way In Porn

Sue Cummings isn't really a "porn buff."

Heck, the last skinflick she and her husband saw was "Anal Assault 3," and that was over two weeks ago. ("I like chick flicks," she admits.)

That doesn't matter to Rio Rancho's officially certified porn liason—having a good filing system, being an excellent typist and knowing where to procure last-minute "fluffers" are more important.

Mayor Doing That Thing With The Bucket Again

Albuquerque Mayor Martin Chavez was seen wandering around by the river again Monday morning, carrying his trademark silver bucket.

Witnesses reported that the mayor appeared in the area of the Rio Grande Nature Center at around 7:45 am, dressed only in a pair of khaki pants. He was trailed by several aides who fanned out behind him in the trees and communicated with each other via walkie-talkie.

100 percent of senior women at drugstore cash register agree that Heather Wilson is "a blowhard"

One-hundred percent of senior women overheard at a neighborhood drugstore cash register agreed that Congresswoman Heather Wilson is "a blowhard."

Frances Smith, 72, was at the drugstore to purchase perscription medication for her high blood pressure. She complained loudly about the skyrocketing cost of perscription medication as she opened her purse to pay.

Connie Archuleta, 65, was operating the cash register in the drugstore. She shook her head and said, "Heather Wilson was supposed to do something about that."

Domenici resents being called a "Bomb-and-Spend Republican"

New Mexico Senator Pete Domenici told reporters recently that he resents being called a "Bomb-and-Spend Republican," a label that critics have applied to Republicans who have given unquestioning support to President Bush's request for an additional 87 billion dollars for the ongoing war in Iraq. The label, he said, is unfair to Republicans and "does little to elevate the level of political discourse in the country."

Congresswoman Heather Wilson sent to Los Alamos lab for routine maintenance and repairs

Congresswoman Heather Wilson was sent to a Los Alamos robotics lab for routine maintenance and repairs yesterday, according to House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.

"It's only routine maintenance," said DeLay. "We send her in once a year. Wilson is a dedicated public servant and we'll do anything in our power to make sure that she is able to operate at peak performance levels."

Mayor creates new Department of Petroglyph Removal

Albuquerque Mayor Martin Chavez announced last Thursday the creation of the Department of Petroglyph Removal (DPR). The DPR will be responsible for the elimination of all petroglyphs within the Albuquerque metropolitan region, so that they will no longer pose threats to future large construction projects.

"We've been needing this for a really long time now," Chavez said. "These fucking Indians are really starting to piss me off."

From the Archives