November 2004
See ya!
November 15, 2004 - 10:43am | MelvixAfter about thirty or forty seconds of reflection, I've decided that I'm going to make like NewMexiKen and split. I've got other projects I'd like to get done. For example, the refrigerator has needed a good cleaning for at least six months. There are onion skins and bits of dessicated cabbage all over the bottoms of the vegetable drawers. It really needs attention.
In the event that you feel compelled to contact me, my e-mail is melvix@nmia.com. I respond to all mail within six months, guaranteed.
Cheers!
Dagwood
StephenGrace.net
November 12, 2004 - 9:29am | MelvixMy friends Steve and Grace (a.k.a. Stephen Grace or Steve'n'Grace) recently put up a web site to show off Grace's fantastic handmade frames, many of which I covet.
One of my neighbors owns one. Sometimes when he's out of town and I'm at his house to feed his cats, I pause to look at it. I usually find myself wondering how long it might be before he would notice that it was gone. Guiltily I pour the kibble into the bowls and lock the door behind me.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's handmade Grace Heitkamp frame.
Results of Metaquerque’s Best of Albuquerque survey
November 4, 2004 - 10:32am | MelvixI'll bet you thought I forgot about the Best of Albuquerque survey I assaulted you with about a month ago, didn't you? Well I didn't! Following are the results of the survey, with the halfway-clever commentary you've come to expect from this blog. Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond.
The Results
Best place to puke up the dinner you ate at Garduños
If there's one thing this survey proved to me about you it's that you're a practical bunch. "Garduños lobby" destroyed the competition here with a whopping 37%, followed by "Heather Wilson's garage" with 17%. I side with the majority on this one. In my opinion, the lobby at Garduños is the best place to puke up anything.
There were lots of great write-ins for this one. My favorite was "Backseat of girlfriend's parent's car." Sounds like there's a good story there.
Best place to get high with Dick Knipfing
A classic Albuquerque dilemma. You and Dick are out driving around and you score some really good marijuana (or "weed" in reporter parlance) and you need a good place to smoke it. Should you go back to Dick's place? The park? Heather Wilson's garage?
Nope. According to 28% of you, Dick's car is the best place. 19% of you chose the more relaxed, anything-goes atmosphere of the KRQE newsroom.
Some good write-ins here, too, such as the classic "Benefit payment Control Office at the New Mexico Department of labor."
While the dilemma of finding a place to dump a body might not come up as frequently as the need to find a place to smoke drugs with the elder statesman of Duke City trash-TV, it's always best to be prepared. "Heather Wilson's garage" squeaked by as the favorite, with 19%. Second place was a toss-up between "West Mesa" and "Dumpster behind Graze" with 15%.
As far as write-ins are concerned, let it not be said that you, dear Readers, do not know where to dump a body. Some of your suggestions were intriguingly specific, such as "Mesa del Sol's El Cielo area" and "Heather Wilson's Cooch." But my favorite by a long shot was "Call me old fashioned, but Roosevelt Park is still 31 with me and my homies."
Best place to discharge automatic weapons
Does this even need an answer? Isn't everywhere a good place to get your gun off? But again your practical nature shines like a beacon in the night. 29% of you chose Mesa del Sol, Albuquerque's open-space free-for-all. I hope you realize you're going to have to find somewhere else when they figure out how to extract water from the moon and build Rio Rancho II out there. There were two runner-ups for this: "Heather Wilson's garage" and "Front yard" at 14%.
The write-ins for this question were enlightening. Saying which of them were my favorites might get me into "hot water" with "someone," so I'll leave it at that.
It was a regular horse race between "APD evidence room" and "Dick Knipfing" on this one, but APD finally won in the end with 29%, leaving Dick Knipfing in second place with 26%. Once again, you took a common sense approach and picked the place where crack is probably in abundance.
This question got some excellent write-in responses. "From any district court judge" is pretty good. As is "Don Schrader's pants." Some of you did a favor to Albuquerque's crack-addicted journalists by supplying some fairly knowledgeable answers, such as "The Crawford Institute at Broadway" and "Pete Domenici's office."
Best place to hide from the cops
Eventually all that body-hiding, crack-scoring, drug-smoking, gun-toting and lobby-puking is going to catch up with you. Even the APD looks down on murder. Everybody knows that. But not everybody knows where to go when the cops are on your tail. (Some free advice: Don't go to your cousin's house. They'll be looking for you there.) For you, "Heather Wilson's garage" was the clear winner, with 31%, followed by the vague but equally plausible "Albuquerque Metro Area" with 23%. Interestingly, none of you voted for "Villa Louis Martin," either because you didn't know what it was or because pedophile priests aren't funny this year.
Some of the more enlightening write-ins included such informed and pragmatic responses as "Movies 8" and "On the force as a member of APD." My favorite, though, was "Pell's armpit," just because I have no idea what it means.
So there you have it. Metaquerque's readers have spoken. Time for lunch. If only I knew where to go for lunch. I guess I'll swing by Heather Wilson's garage and see what's what.
The grapes, they are sour
November 3, 2004 - 9:00am | MelvixCongratulations to Heather Wilson, our representative in Congress for the next two years.
You might think that this bothers me, but it doesn't. Why? Because she's practically a Democrat. Just ask this guy.
We are used to being ignored. We love it that way.
November 2, 2004 - 7:25am | MelvixTony Hillerman hopes that the national spotlight moves back to somewhere else after the election.
