August 2004

...is back!

Over the last couple of years, there's been a lot written about FILMS MADE IN NEW MEXICO OH MY GOD RON HOWARD WILL SAVE US OH I HOPE I GET TO MEET BRAD PITT OH MY GOD I THINK I SAW THAT GUY YOU KNOW THAT GUY ON THAT SHOW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD.

I am dubious that the latest incarnation of the just-don't-get-it-in-my-eye relationship between Hollywood and New Mexico will amount to what people would like it to, but you never know. It might. I've been wrong before. Hollywood might really, really love us, never mind what our friends say.

So, for the sake of argument, let's say that things work out and Albuquerque fulfills its destiny as the moviemaking hub of the Middle Rio Grande Valley. That will mean a lot more people moving here from other places. And many of those places will be places where it is considered acceptable to lay on your car horn if the person in front of you at a green light should hesitate for five seconds to long.

I am not originally from such a place. Where I grew up, car horns were generally limited to "emergency use," such as when you were about to run over a dog or when you saw someone you knew standing in their yard. Blasting your horn at someone because they were old or distracted by a flying saucer was considered to be a mark of an inferior intellect and poor upbringing. When the person at the light in front of you hesitated for too long, you waited. Then, weather permitting, you waved your hand out the window. Then, as a last resort, you gave your steering column a gentle rap, which produced a polite little beep. Which would cause the person in front of you to look up, mouth the words "Oh shoot!" and drive away.

Isn't that sweet? It's all true, too. That's how things were done where I grew up. Of course, they don't do it that way anymore. The little country roads of my youth are packed with Angry People From Places Where Honking Is OK. It's sad.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to remind the people who move here from places where emitting violent bursts of honking is acceptable that it is not acceptable here.

Especially in front of my house.

In his column in this week's Alibi, Greg Payne reflects on the Winners and Losers of the past week, and finds a place in his list for Quirky Burque, Albuquerque's preeminent blog of positive vibrations:

"QuirkyBurque.com." Andy Warhol said everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. The Payne Corollary is that, eventually, everyone will have their own "Blog" to go along with it. In the meantime, QuirkyBurque is one of the better local sites going. The politics are your garden variety "people's republic" type but, as our French allies might say, vive la différence!

That was under the winners category, of course. It's good to see that Quirky Burque is finally getting some well-deserved attention.

I expected the Alibi to publish something abut Quirky Burque eventually, but I thought it would appear in The Thin Line (where local blogs have been mentioned in the past) or maybe even in the food section, as Pika Brittlebush, Quirky Burque's author, frequently writes about restaurants and food.

But here it is, in Payne's World. As our French allies might say, Quelle strange!

Payne gives no satisfactory explanation for QuirkyBurque.com's ascent to winner status, as he does for others in the list. For instance, Payne explans that George W. Bush is a winner because even though he has fucked the United States beyond recognition he still has a chance at being elected to the Presidency. The only positive thing Payne says about Quirky Burque is that it is "one of the better" Albuquerque sites. What's worse, there are a couple of what could be considered left-handed compliments embedded in there:

The politics are your garden variety "people's republic" type but, as our French allies might say, vive la différence!

Possibly meaning: The author of the blog is a commie pinko, but as the Toad-eating Pansies Who Hate Freedom say, a little commie pinko never hurt anybody.

Andy Warhol said everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. The Payne Corollary is that, eventually, everyone will have their own "Blog" to go along with it.

Possibly meaning: The kinds of people who are famous for 15 minutes, i.e., the talent-free people who appear on reality TV programs, are the same kind of people who have "Blogs."

Ouch! Good thing it's "one of the better" blogs!

So why is "Blogs" in quotes? And for that matter, why is "QuirkyBurque.com" in quotes? Is it because Payne is uncomfortable with the idea of giving props to a blog like Quirky Burque and feels the need to treat words like "blog" and "QuirkyBurque.com" with the linguistic equivalent of a pair of stainless steel tongs, or is it because he just doesn't know when to use quotes and when not to?

If I were a cynical, paranoid sort of fellow, I would guess that discomfort is behind this particular flurry of quotes, and that Payne's inclusion of a very liberal Web log written by a woman in his winners list has more to do with his campaign to win a position in the state legislature than any genuine insight into the world of blogging. Payne needs to be seen as a "praiser of women" rather than a "punisher of women." It's also interesting that he also lists Martin Chavez, The Kerry Campaign and Moderate Republicans as winners, almost as if to say, "Hey, I'm not a right-wing nutjob like George W. Bush... Who you should also vote for."

But I'm not that cynical, or paranoid. I like flowers and kittens and running through sprinklers. Really. Well, I can live without the sprinklers. But I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he just doesn't know when not to use quotes.

Anyway, I'm not saying that QuirkyBurque.com should not be on Greg Payne's winners list. It should be! Quirky Burque is one of the places (if not the place) you should look to see what kind of fun stuff there is to do over the weekend. Pika has carved out a rather enviable niche for herself as a kind of one-woman Albuquerque weekend entertainment clearinghouse, among other things. She updates every weekday and, you know, links to stuff and consistently publicizes other local bloggers. And she's certainly gracious about linking to other local blogs, regardless of their content, unlike some others I could name.

I'm sure that this is more along the lines of what Greg Payne meant to write.

From the Tucson Citizen:

Memo to Albuquerque - Don't mess with Arizona's saguaro.

What a disappointing article. The headline promises an opening salvo in what could potentially become a cute regionalist flamewar about whose cacti are better, but the piece doesn't deliver. It's mainly about how Arizona loves the saguaro. And there's no mention of what Arizona will do should Albuquerque dare to mess with their beloved plant.